no re-dos, just restarts

08 has been nothing but a roller coaster ride. its been up and downs, happy, sad, dramatic, anything but what i wanted it to be, but i've decided the past is the past, and it doesn't create my future. the future chapters of my life will be great because i've learned from the mistakes i've made this year and i will know not to make them in 09 and years to come. In 2008 i've:

-learned who my true friends are

-learned that i have the power to turn things around

-learned that life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass its about learning to dance in the rain,

-matured in some ways and became immature in other

-i've changed alot

-i've lost myself

-i still haven't learned how to dance in the rain,

-after this year, i really don't trust anything anyone has to say

-grown apart from alot of special people

2008 for me holds alot of bad memories, some good, alot of firsts (first kiss, first real breakup, etc) pain and hurt,happy moments sad moments, alot of screaming, restless nights. i've questioned myself many times. cry myself to sleep many times. I've reminded myself everyday that its all going to be worth it, its all going to be worth it. i have many goals for 09:

-find who i am,

-grow closer to God

-find my purpose

-learn to love instead of hate

-be who i am supposed to be and not what others think i should be

-be confident in who i am

-not let anyone else take away my identity

So when the clock strikes 12 on December 31, 2008 and 2009 begins, i will cry for the good memories, scream for the bad memories, have one last rememberence of everything, then let everything, the good, the bad, the hurt, pain, be the past and i will leave it in 2008. i will be completely changed in 2009!! 2008 is the past, i can't change it, recreate it, do anything different, thats the thing about life, no re-dos, just restarts!

Have a Happy New Years!!!

i love you!

:)

I think life is finally starting to turn around;
this year has been border-line horrible, but i think right here at the end, its starting to get good!
i can't wait to start '09 with a brand new start, like this year never happened :)!

*MERRY CHRISTMAS*

i don't understand

Come walk with me
speak to my heart
whats deep in me, only you know
come walk with me

this song has been my prayer for the past three weeks, but it seems the more i sing it and the more i pray it things get worse and worse and i don't understand it! I don't know whats wrong with me, i don't understand why everything i do offends people, and i definitely don't understand why i'm feeling so alone. When i'm around family and friends i want to be by myself but when i get by myself i'm afraid. I'm afraid of every emotion finally catching up with me. I really need you God, because only you know whats really going on inside of me, and only you can fill this void in my heart.

courage;

courage isn't something that your born with, its something that you gain as each day goes by, so you can learn to be the hero of your own life's story.....

blah :/

this week has been kinda a blur. sunday i had a pretty rough day, so i pretty much expected this week to be rough. i'm more stressed which is making me even more tired than what i normally am.i don't feel good lately, i'm emtional and i feel lonely, i've been surrounded by ppl but i feel like i'm by myself.
maybe i just need a break from things.

pause

i'm just going through life like everyone else, but there's a difference between me and everyone else in the world. they move i'm stuck. sunday night at the 220, i just kinda watched everyone in worship and after the service, everyone there keeps moving to a higher and higher level with God, but i feel like i'm just stuck where i am. i watch people at school. they change then move on but i'm left behind, because i'm stuck on pause and i don't know how to play again.
any advice?

life<3

life;it's just one big game. It's ups & downs, right from wrongs. True from fake; it's just one big game of love and hate. sometimes you're faced with things that you don't understand and probably never will, other times you're just at a crossroad and don't know which path to take.
if i have learned anything from every change, from every hurt, every let down, from all the good, the bad, ugly, its people aren't who they always say they are, they aren't who they used to be, & people change. Sometimes you think you love someone but in reality you don't, you have to be srtong even when you think you can't, you have to be real with fake people. You have to realize that people make mistakes but you must always forgive. You have to love those who don't love you, trust those who have betrayed you, and believe in things that you can't always see. But the main thing i have learned is Make God your source, and the only one that you truly rely on.... Those that you love may hurt you but you forgive them anyway... Those that you love may not love you back... Those that you love and trust may betray you... Those that you love and believe in may not believe in you... But when it is all over, you still love, forgive, trust, and believe in them!